somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
