Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
