have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
