there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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