i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I deserve this hangover.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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