he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
