life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
