I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i believe in u and ur pee
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
