Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
