can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize