he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
