If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize