I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
