I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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