so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
