remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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