It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
