I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
two words...techno handjob
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
