He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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