That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
