i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
