Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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