it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Randomize
