I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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