i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
