dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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