I'm lost and stupid without you.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
