I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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