Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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