At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
