I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Panties = found
Randomize
