Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
