i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize