So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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