Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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