I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
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