she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
