i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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