He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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