so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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