only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
