Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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