Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
