Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
