Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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