put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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