Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
