I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
