Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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