i wish there were pregnant emoticons
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
