Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
