I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
