I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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