It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
