wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
