I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The power of my boobs compel you
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
