I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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