bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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