Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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