Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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