yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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