When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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