in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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