I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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