he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
