I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
