Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
