you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
