I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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