Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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