I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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