Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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