Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
