While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
