he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
