Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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