i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
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