I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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