whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
