we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
